Growing up I was surrounded by every type of handcraft you can imagine. My grandmother was a keen knitter, also very adept at crochet, tapestry, embroidery, beading… school holidays always involved a project.
I vividly remember sitting on the front porch with her doing some embroidery, leaning over and getting an embroidery needle firmly lodged in my knee. Lesson 1. Always ensure the needle is nowhere near fleshy bits when you lean over.
I never quite took to knitting, but crochet I loved – and still do. Give me a pattern and I can crochet anything. Finishing it, however, is a whole other story. Starting projects is filled with optimism and grand plans, but for some inexplicable reason soon enough it is sitting in a basket with all of the other half completed projects.
Perhaps I get bored too easily? Perhaps I am what Emilie Wapnick describes as a “multipotentialite”. I loved reading her insights as to how there are others, like myself, who have more than one passion, or calling. I take on so many different projects involving so many different interests. Right now I have two crochet projects, a quilting endeavour, some cabochon jewellery and another idea in my head. Up until earlier this week I was also dabbling in website creation and dropshipping.. but that’s another blog post. I am also building a website for a close friend who’s existing website was rather embarrassing – it looked like it was built in the eighties!
It was like I was always searching for the perfect business idea, and when I got bored I would discard it, never to be touched again. Over the past two years I have started and shut down a few sites, not because they were awful, but my ideas never quite came to fruition. The idea was to supplement my income with a small sideline, I found a few niche items but for various reasons I couldn’t make it work. You see, in order to make money, you must spend money. I built some damn fine looking sites, but then I couldn’t fund them, or purchase inventory. The sad realisation hit me this week that it may just not be my “thing”. So in order to satisfy my need to create something online I began this blog. I can bore random strangers with my endless pratter – I had a university lecturer tell my I was “verbose” once, that’s a good thing, right?
Sitting here tonight I’m not ashamed to admit that I have been feeling depressed the past few months, tired of the struggle and tired of not being happy, always searching for ways to make life “better”. Better than what? Is my life that bad that it has to be better? Honestly, no, it certainly isn’t. I have a roof over my head and a warm bed at night, I have a very small family that love and care for me and three cats that rely on me. I have a stable job with tolerable people to work with and most days food on the table. So why am I feeling so out of whack? I really don’t know. I seem to feel lost when I am at home away from work with constant distractions, I cannot seem to get motivated to do the simplest of tasks, even getting dressed is an inconceivable effort. If it continues much longer I will make an appointment with a psychologist and have a chat – see if we can figure out what is going on in this grey matter of mine. Writing it seems almost cathartic, perhaps that acknowledgement alone will help me come out the other side.
I have a mini-break coming up from work, and I have goals that I want to achieve. Quite mundane ones, but a test if you will, to get my groove back.